Hello, my name is Alicia, and I am a self-proclaimed road rage hypocrite. You might be wondering what exactly a road rage hypocrite is, and I’m not really sure myself. Clearly I made it up for dramatic effect. Here is what I think: I definitely have road rage, but I also HATE the people that have road rage and are mean to me. Clearly I’m a hypocrite! Okay, that really doesn’t make sense. Bear with me. Or is it BARE with me??? I digress. (Okay further digression: I just googled it, and the correct usage is BEAR. Apparently BARE indicates that you want someone to get undressed with you? NO that is not what I wanted!).
But seriously, driving is beyond frustrating. I read something the other day that said “If you don’t swear while driving then you’re not paying attention to the road at all.” How accurate is that? I never really knew anger until I started driving…clearly the world is full of stupid morons that need to learn how to drive. I used to think that drivers in Philly were HORRIBLE; they all drive about 900 miles an hour and are reckless and pull out guns and shoot you for cutting them off. (CLEARLY not a good situation). Then I moved to Texas with hopes for better drivers, but NOPE, literally no one knows how to drive there, especially if it is raining. When it rains, people slam on their brakes and fishtail across 4 lanes of traffic and cause about 400 accidents. I thought moving to Florida would bring better drivers, but HAH that was wishful thinking. Put a bunch of people driving to work in rush hour with a bunch of retired people heading out to the doctor or wherever it is the retirees go and you have a MESS on your hand. It basically equates to someone going 80 miles an hour and a vintage Cadillac pulling in front of them going about 35. It’s not a pretty scene.
So I will admit that I definitely get enraged when driving. However, I am that person that hides behind their horn because I am pretty sure if I were any more aggressive I would get shot. No literally, I have the WORST luck out of anyone in the world, so I would be the person that gets shot with an arrow for making some cray cray person mad. However, I do say a whole lot when I’m alone in the car and some jerk makes me mad. But have you ever really stopped and listened to yourself when you start road raging? It is literally hilarious. I say things like “What are you doing? Literally. What. are. YOU. doing?” OR “I’m going 15 over the speed limit, what more do you want?” OR “Nice blinker.”
The best thing is that I even created my own word for those drivers that really piss me off. So here it is: a JACKHOLE ™. Yes, I did just pretend to trademark my awesome new word. When that becomes a super popular word, and they want to put it in the dictionary, remember where you heard it first. ME!
So yes, I’m more like a silent road rager, I definitely get mad, but I pretty much keep all of my anger in my car. But the one thing I can’t stand is when people freak out on me. Like clearly I’m the world’s best driver, what could make them angry? (not joking…okay maybe a little). I had a wonderful experience the other day when I was stopped behind a car at a red light, and we were both turning right. There were literally no cars coming and yet this lady would NOT turn right. After waiting for about 2 minutes, I tapped the horn, not in a mean way, but just as encouragement. Finally she turned, and I did as well. I went next to her in the left lane. She slowed right next to me and rolled her window down and proceeded to scream at me for about a mile, “DON’T YOU RUSH ME! HOW DARE YOU EFFING RUSH ME. DO NOT EFFING RUSH ME…” It went on and on. She had her kids in the car, literally how pathetic. And talk about overreacting.
So there is where my road rage hypocrisy comes from….it’s okay when I freak out on other people, but HOW DARE THEY yell at me. Don’t even get me started on the people that drive in the left lane….drive right, pass left. It’s not difficult America.
Final words of advice….
UnLEASHed 