Ash Tray versus Ass Tray……among other things…

So today we were driving along stuck in horrible traffic on the super long bridge that connects Tampa to Saint Petersburg going about ohhhh 5 miles an hour.  The entire hour long journey across the bridge, the guy in the car in front of us kept chain smoking and literally throwing his cigarrettes back behind him toward our car. Literally after the third cigarette I was enraged.  Keep yo butt to yourself bro!  All the while I’m imagining fricking seagulls eating all these cigarettes and dying, which is funny because I DON’T EVEN LIKE SEAGULLS!  Furthermore, let’s just pretend I was driving some 18 wheeler semi tanker with gasoline, would you continue to throw your cigarrettes at me?  Probably since he was an IDIOT.  BUT I HOPE NOT.  Lol but what was funny is the guys license plate was in support of teachers in Florida…I hope you’re not a driver’s ed teacher, buddy!

So on a side note: as a kid I always thought that cigarrettes were thrown into ASS trays, not ASH trays…now that I look back, I think it has to do with them being called butts…so the butts should go in the ass tray.  It’s really quite genius level thinking if you ponder it for a second….but totally unrelated to my anger.

So a couple of hours later, my anger had ceased and I was walking around the grocery store and what did I see, but a lady carrying her dog around?  EWWWWW.  What the heck?  Did I miss the memo that dogs were allowed to go to the grocery store?  Now don’t get me wrong, I am a HUGE dog person, but I have NO idea where your grimy dog has been and what nasty disease he is carrying around.  And now he’s all over the bakery section of the store. EW.  Oh this bothered me.  I almost said something, but I was too busy taking pictures…. (I am very glad that she did not leave the dog in the hot car though…THAT IS NEVER ALRIGHT!)…

The dog paired with that outfit is literally too much. DOGS DON’T BELONG IN THE BAKERY!

Lol I really sound like such a judgmental snob….OH WAIT I AM!  LOL I totally forgot!  But literally the world is full of too many idiots that think that they can get away with whatever they want.  HECK NO, I’m going to take a picture and put you on blast yo!

So now to change the subject all together, I am going to share some super hilarious pictures, videos, and links that totally made me crack up this week.  ENJOY!  Have a great week!

1) If you are a fan of “Orange is the New Black” you HAVE to check out the cutest, funniest spoof ever.  Who doesn’t like some jailhouse kittens? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ic9Bi75o7bU

2) This Picture:

 

3) Banana Anatomy that is 100% accurate:

4) My feelings toward celery:

5) OH PAULA DEEN….

 

6) THIS BUZZ FEED is HYSTERICAL: http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/28-reasons-why-we-cant-have-nice-things

7) A Turtle Playing frisbee:

8) AND THE MOST AWKWARD ENGAGEMENT PICTURES EVER: http://www.buzzfeed.com/rachelzarrell/ball-and-chain

9) And this hilarious “Orange is the New Black” Video of Crazy Eyes:  http://elitedaily.com/entertainment/uzo-aduba-hilariously-auditions-for-every-character-in-orange-is-the-new-black-video/629501/

10) And these hilarious Snapchats: http://www.buzzfeed.com/samstryker/bend-and-snapchat-lol-puns#

11) And this picture of Prince George:

 

 

I Wouldn’t Survive in Jail…for 3.43 seconds

Sorry for the lack of effort on the blog recently. I could make excuses about being swamped at work (which is true), but honestly, I have enjoyed a life of laziness and endless episodes of Law and Order SVU when not working.  Oh Stabler and Benson, why do you two not end up together?

So today is the day that “Orange is the New Black” starts streaming Season 2! WHOOT WHOOT! …if you haven’t watched it, you totally need to check it out on Netflix.  It is literally the funniest show about a straight-laced lady from the suburbs that gets sent to a women’s prison for something that she did when she was in college.  SERIOUSLY WATCH IT…

But anywho, today I was in my bathroom brushing my teeth and I looked over at my shower and I was appalled at how many different products I actually had.  Literally, how many different body washes does one person need?!?  Apparently, I need 3-4 body washes, along with 2 different types of shampoos.  Cool.

So this led me to thinking that I would absolutely never survive in prison.  Like for a minute. Now I’m not talking oh I got a public intoxication arrest and spent 2 hours in jail, I’m talking hardcore months or years in jail.  I’m pretty sure I would totally be Piper from “Orange is the New Black”, (well not a confused former lesbian/lesbian again), but totally a stuck up white girl in a hardcore women’s prison!  No way would I be able to survive without my 734 different bathroom products…OR WITHOUT MY CHARMIN TOILET PAPER!  Hello, how do you survive in jail without quality TP?  I’m not willing to test this out.  Public bathrooms are horrid enough, I can’t even imagine what the bathrooms are really like in jail.  Probably not pretty.

I would also miss my fluffy bed and my fluffy dog.  Boy my bed sure does look nice right?  Here’s a secret.  I HATE MAKING MY BED.  Literally hate it more than any other chore in the world.  What is the point of making my bed if the room is empty all day and I’m just going to sleep in it later?  Are you forced to make your bed in prison?  Is it like the military?

So I’m going to try and avoid jail at all costs.  I think I’ll go to Disney World instead!  I am so excited to live in Florida where the beautiful beaches are just minutes away and Disney is only an hour and a half.  Y’all can catch me at Disney this weekend pretending to be a pretty pretty Princess.  #ImTheNewCinderella  HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND LOVES!!!